Today seemed like a more significant day compared to those of the others. Counting down as per now, there is officially ONE more remaining day before i turn 18! And you know what? I am actually pretty positive about it this time around.
For those who dont know me, or those who know me but don't know this about me, I have always despised my birthday, DREADED it, and have made many hard attempts to ignore it since my 15th birthday.
On the very day of my 15th Birthday, i came to realize that the day of my birthday itself was not important. My parents + my younger brother(who is oblivious to almost everything that is happening) have never really remembered my birthday. Yes yes like most kids, when we were young, 4 / 5, our parents did make a BIG deal out of it, but what is there to expect in 10 years time? A whole lotta disappointment.
My 13th birthday was great. If my memory does not fail me, i remember having celebrated it at my ex. class teacher's house- Ms. Lee, with many of my primary friends. That year, my birthday coincidentally landed on one of the Chinese New Year dates. And so, mom thoughtfully bought a Tiramisu cake for all of us to have. It was nice... The cake tasted good, the company was great(mostly because we were a bunch of hyper active chinese kids who had good, innocent fun with ANYTHING we could get our hands on), but most of all, I was happy. : ]
My 14th birthday came as a partial surprise to me. At 12.01am sharp that night, i had an unexpected visit from my elder bro, Warren, who came knocking on my door. The half asleep me was still limboing in my fantasies when he sat at the end of my bed and popped a Giordano plastic bag to me. "Happy Birthday Girl!" I was so surprised that i choked on my yawn. Opened it, viola! My very FIRST branded clothing! A black and white coloured cardigan!! I hugged him so tight! ^_^ Besides that, my at that time group of secondary mates, who were good friends with me, bought me and my at that time close friend, whose birthday is coincidentally a day before mine, a cake and celebrated together after school! [What did you expect? A car? LOL Birthday cakes are a cliche but then again, birthdays are celebrated for the same reasons too! XD] Anyways, i remember having a blast with that cake as we ended up tossing it at each other in the school's canteen, where the cream did manage to ruin our hairs not to mention screwed up our faces too with its high oil content! XP It was a great deal of fun i must add, considering we managed to pay the janitors a little bit of cash to help us clean up the place before we landed our arses in the principal's office! X] Presents, although usually important on most peoples' birthdays, however, is not considered the climax of mine. Nonetheless, i remembered clearly how hard i was praying in gratitude for the ones i have received, before opening each one with a smile.
Then comes my 15th birthday. By this time, i had already transfered to another school. And shocking to say, i found it treating me unbearably difficult and unkind. People there were very different from the previous ones i've known. They were more arrogant, more snobbish and did not accept new-comers in open embraces. I struggled with this transition for a long long time. Needless to say, my existence was of no interest to those around me, and no, there was no surprise tiramisu cakes nor were there any warm smiles or touching wishes. Already lonely and depressed, i did not find any hints of acknowledgment for this supposed "special" day from anyone at home either. Mom and dad had no clue, neither did my blur headed younger brother! Only my eldest brother remembered. Even so, nothing was prepared. I was so saddened by this that, i went straight upstairs after dinner to my room and stayed there. After lots of prompting about two hours later, my brother "hoisted" me downstairs. Turns out, dad went out to get me a Chocolate Banana cake from Secret Recipe. Candles blown, cake eaten, but the mood was no longer there...
16th birthdays were supposed to be sweet. Mine wasn't at all. In fact, it was the opposite. My close friend and i had already decided 2 months in advance that we would celebrate our birthdays together as hers was a day before mine. Maybe because at that time we no longer studied at the same school anymore, we rarely met up but our friendship was still going strong. When the day came, i was excited beyond all reason. We were to celebrate our birthdays at her apartment as she offered, where there was a pool available and a huge enough space for dancing.
In the beginning, it was a hassle! Guests were arriving, some i did not know, but the host was too preoccupied to be found! So in full efforts, i attempted to warmly welcome them and did my best to introduce the many different cliques to one another, hoping to occupy them before the host came back from picking up more people from the LRT station.
When almost everyone had arrived, the party was still NOT in full blast. People kept to their cliques, here and there you could see that they were hesitating to move towards the food table. So, i got a few friends and myself to start the move. Soon, the eating and music began. After dinner, there was the cutting of the birthday cake ritual. Two cakes were brought out. One was for her younger brother, whose birthday just passed a week ago. So we sang for him. The other, was for her, ALONE. Only at that moment did i realize that, not only did she not tell everyone else that it was my birthday the following day, but that the whole party was meant for her brother and herself only. I was crushed.
She was busy busy busy. Entertaining her guests, my pet brothers and myself did our best to help out as much as we could. People started throwing cakes at each other and pushing one another in the pool. Very soon, the whole place was a mess. I must say i felt it was fun to push people into the pool that night. Only later did i realize it was fun because it was a form of venting. The place was covered in cream and layers of half eaten cake. Pet bros' and myself went down on our knees literally, scraping off all the cream that was stuck in between the gaps of the playground, picking up the remaining of the peanut shells someone had conveniently left behind, and cleaning up the shattered drink glasses on the floor. While all this was happening, the host was busy taking pictures with everyone else. I tolerated, thinking that tonight was her night. She deserved to have a good time.
I was to sleepover at her place after the party as she insisted. I was the only one. When everyone was gone and we were cleaned up and comfortably in our PJs, she decided to unwrap all her presents, in my presence. That was fine. But what caused me to feel so unappreciated and neglected, was that as she opened them, and found that a few were teddy bears, she complained that there were sooo many bears that year, and wondered out loud why most of her friends gave that to her.
When i went home after having dim sum for breakfast with her mom and brothers, i collapsed on my own bed. Because i was exhausted and also because i was deeply hurt and disappointed. My birthday was neglected. A celebration that was supposed to be for both of us ended up being for one. Besides that, throughout the whole night, i did not even get a solo picture with her. She was having a blast; i was hiding my pain. And so ended my "sweetest" 16th birthday in the hands of my then, best friend. I came to forgive her half a year later. Even so, what was done had already caused damage.
My 17th birthday was somewhat of a last minute spur and also a sweet surprise from a board of people. A surprisingly HUGE bouquet of fresh flowers were sent to my doorstep. Shocked, i suspected the delivery was for the wrong house. Card open- From your loving Prefect's Board! Instantly, :'')! Soooo touched! I've NEVER received a bouquet of flowers before! It was my FIRST. How thoughtful of all of them! ^_^ Besides that, two of my highschool friends, Diana and Mandy decided we should go out and celebrate. I was at Diana's house in the evening hanging out. So off we went to Khaki Corner, a cafe? near their houses(they lived 5 minutes away from each other X]). On the way, they decided to invite one of our other classmate, Lisa who was a cool Korean to join us. Working with the clothes i brought to change after bathing in her house, Diana decided we would go out looking like twins! XD SO... I wore green, she wore a REALLY SIMILAR green top! Don't ask me where she got that! She has her ways... LOL. Anyhuu, it was drizzling by the time we got ready to leave the house. Despite the really short distance from the house to the cafe, we took a taxi! XD Sitting indoors, we were jittering in the cold air conditioned cafe. There was a live band that night, more like a two-some to be particular. It was ok. We each ordered our own chicken chop and lamb chops, while chatting away about school. Towards the end of the meal, Mandy requested the "band" to play and sing the birthday song! It was obvious what they prepared for me, i pretended to know nothing of it. X)!! Secretly, i felt it was sweet and thoughtful of them, although slightly embarrassed when everyone in the cafe started to stare at the four crazy girls, lol. All in all, it wasn't too bad. I know as evil as this sounds, but while all this was happening, i couldn't help myself from wishing i could've spend these moments with people whom i cared about more... Like my 8 years best friend Su Zanne for instance, or my brother... Or my family... But all did not come true.
SOOOO THIS YEAR, i decided to change my own fate!
During these few days before my official birthday, i was awfully weary and dreaded the coming day itself. I had mood swings(partly because i was pmsing as well) and was impatient with everyone. Blame me for all you like, but i really despise my birthday. I blame all the bad experiences, as well as my forgetful parents, who in their defense, claims that birthdays are just like any other normal day, insignificant and a waste of money. The theory only applies to the rest of the 361 days in the year, when its not Mother's/ Father's Day, or their own birthday. Call me a sadistic, but if you noticed, what other day in the year besides your own birthday is especially for you and is worth celebrating for, if you're not a mom/dad, or a teacher or a pet!
This year, I decide my own fate. Initially, my group of primary friends had invited me out to Maluri to have steamboat dinner with them. Their excuse was that to gather for discussing our visit to our primary teacher's house this cny, and also to lou sang. Deep down i knew what they were brewing. Nonetheless, i was nice enough to pretend not to know, as always. : D
I had decided to go with them when i found out that my parents were once again oblivious to the occasion. Already moody, i arrogantly ignored my brother's teasing when he asked me what special day was thursday. I hinted to my parents by asking them if they had any plans for thursday night, apparently not. Almost already about to confirm with my primary friends, i suddenly decided, NO, i will not endure the same cruel fate. I shall and will decide WHAT I WANT this year!
"Dinner on ME thursday night! (literally) All of YOU have an appointment, so cancel ALL your other plans!" , i said authoritically to the people in the house.
ATLAS, my decision is FINAL. This year would be MY 18th! I refuse to be insignificant! I refuse to be depreciated! And so, CARL'S JUNIOR IT IS Thursday night! My BIGGEST present to myself! ; )
For those who dont know me, or those who know me but don't know this about me, I have always despised my birthday, DREADED it, and have made many hard attempts to ignore it since my 15th birthday.
On the very day of my 15th Birthday, i came to realize that the day of my birthday itself was not important. My parents + my younger brother(who is oblivious to almost everything that is happening) have never really remembered my birthday. Yes yes like most kids, when we were young, 4 / 5, our parents did make a BIG deal out of it, but what is there to expect in 10 years time? A whole lotta disappointment.
My 13th birthday was great. If my memory does not fail me, i remember having celebrated it at my ex. class teacher's house- Ms. Lee, with many of my primary friends. That year, my birthday coincidentally landed on one of the Chinese New Year dates. And so, mom thoughtfully bought a Tiramisu cake for all of us to have. It was nice... The cake tasted good, the company was great(mostly because we were a bunch of hyper active chinese kids who had good, innocent fun with ANYTHING we could get our hands on), but most of all, I was happy. : ]
My 14th birthday came as a partial surprise to me. At 12.01am sharp that night, i had an unexpected visit from my elder bro, Warren, who came knocking on my door. The half asleep me was still limboing in my fantasies when he sat at the end of my bed and popped a Giordano plastic bag to me. "Happy Birthday Girl!" I was so surprised that i choked on my yawn. Opened it, viola! My very FIRST branded clothing! A black and white coloured cardigan!! I hugged him so tight! ^_^ Besides that, my at that time group of secondary mates, who were good friends with me, bought me and my at that time close friend, whose birthday is coincidentally a day before mine, a cake and celebrated together after school! [What did you expect? A car? LOL Birthday cakes are a cliche but then again, birthdays are celebrated for the same reasons too! XD] Anyways, i remember having a blast with that cake as we ended up tossing it at each other in the school's canteen, where the cream did manage to ruin our hairs not to mention screwed up our faces too with its high oil content! XP It was a great deal of fun i must add, considering we managed to pay the janitors a little bit of cash to help us clean up the place before we landed our arses in the principal's office! X] Presents, although usually important on most peoples' birthdays, however, is not considered the climax of mine. Nonetheless, i remembered clearly how hard i was praying in gratitude for the ones i have received, before opening each one with a smile.
Then comes my 15th birthday. By this time, i had already transfered to another school. And shocking to say, i found it treating me unbearably difficult and unkind. People there were very different from the previous ones i've known. They were more arrogant, more snobbish and did not accept new-comers in open embraces. I struggled with this transition for a long long time. Needless to say, my existence was of no interest to those around me, and no, there was no surprise tiramisu cakes nor were there any warm smiles or touching wishes. Already lonely and depressed, i did not find any hints of acknowledgment for this supposed "special" day from anyone at home either. Mom and dad had no clue, neither did my blur headed younger brother! Only my eldest brother remembered. Even so, nothing was prepared. I was so saddened by this that, i went straight upstairs after dinner to my room and stayed there. After lots of prompting about two hours later, my brother "hoisted" me downstairs. Turns out, dad went out to get me a Chocolate Banana cake from Secret Recipe. Candles blown, cake eaten, but the mood was no longer there...
16th birthdays were supposed to be sweet. Mine wasn't at all. In fact, it was the opposite. My close friend and i had already decided 2 months in advance that we would celebrate our birthdays together as hers was a day before mine. Maybe because at that time we no longer studied at the same school anymore, we rarely met up but our friendship was still going strong. When the day came, i was excited beyond all reason. We were to celebrate our birthdays at her apartment as she offered, where there was a pool available and a huge enough space for dancing.
In the beginning, it was a hassle! Guests were arriving, some i did not know, but the host was too preoccupied to be found! So in full efforts, i attempted to warmly welcome them and did my best to introduce the many different cliques to one another, hoping to occupy them before the host came back from picking up more people from the LRT station.
When almost everyone had arrived, the party was still NOT in full blast. People kept to their cliques, here and there you could see that they were hesitating to move towards the food table. So, i got a few friends and myself to start the move. Soon, the eating and music began. After dinner, there was the cutting of the birthday cake ritual. Two cakes were brought out. One was for her younger brother, whose birthday just passed a week ago. So we sang for him. The other, was for her, ALONE. Only at that moment did i realize that, not only did she not tell everyone else that it was my birthday the following day, but that the whole party was meant for her brother and herself only. I was crushed.
She was busy busy busy. Entertaining her guests, my pet brothers and myself did our best to help out as much as we could. People started throwing cakes at each other and pushing one another in the pool. Very soon, the whole place was a mess. I must say i felt it was fun to push people into the pool that night. Only later did i realize it was fun because it was a form of venting. The place was covered in cream and layers of half eaten cake. Pet bros' and myself went down on our knees literally, scraping off all the cream that was stuck in between the gaps of the playground, picking up the remaining of the peanut shells someone had conveniently left behind, and cleaning up the shattered drink glasses on the floor. While all this was happening, the host was busy taking pictures with everyone else. I tolerated, thinking that tonight was her night. She deserved to have a good time.
I was to sleepover at her place after the party as she insisted. I was the only one. When everyone was gone and we were cleaned up and comfortably in our PJs, she decided to unwrap all her presents, in my presence. That was fine. But what caused me to feel so unappreciated and neglected, was that as she opened them, and found that a few were teddy bears, she complained that there were sooo many bears that year, and wondered out loud why most of her friends gave that to her.
When i went home after having dim sum for breakfast with her mom and brothers, i collapsed on my own bed. Because i was exhausted and also because i was deeply hurt and disappointed. My birthday was neglected. A celebration that was supposed to be for both of us ended up being for one. Besides that, throughout the whole night, i did not even get a solo picture with her. She was having a blast; i was hiding my pain. And so ended my "sweetest" 16th birthday in the hands of my then, best friend. I came to forgive her half a year later. Even so, what was done had already caused damage.
The ONLY close up picture we had.
My 17th birthday was somewhat of a last minute spur and also a sweet surprise from a board of people. A surprisingly HUGE bouquet of fresh flowers were sent to my doorstep. Shocked, i suspected the delivery was for the wrong house. Card open- From your loving Prefect's Board! Instantly, :'')! Soooo touched! I've NEVER received a bouquet of flowers before! It was my FIRST. How thoughtful of all of them! ^_^ Besides that, two of my highschool friends, Diana and Mandy decided we should go out and celebrate. I was at Diana's house in the evening hanging out. So off we went to Khaki Corner, a cafe? near their houses(they lived 5 minutes away from each other X]). On the way, they decided to invite one of our other classmate, Lisa who was a cool Korean to join us. Working with the clothes i brought to change after bathing in her house, Diana decided we would go out looking like twins! XD SO... I wore green, she wore a REALLY SIMILAR green top! Don't ask me where she got that! She has her ways... LOL. Anyhuu, it was drizzling by the time we got ready to leave the house. Despite the really short distance from the house to the cafe, we took a taxi! XD Sitting indoors, we were jittering in the cold air conditioned cafe. There was a live band that night, more like a two-some to be particular. It was ok. We each ordered our own chicken chop and lamb chops, while chatting away about school. Towards the end of the meal, Mandy requested the "band" to play and sing the birthday song! It was obvious what they prepared for me, i pretended to know nothing of it. X)!! Secretly, i felt it was sweet and thoughtful of them, although slightly embarrassed when everyone in the cafe started to stare at the four crazy girls, lol. All in all, it wasn't too bad. I know as evil as this sounds, but while all this was happening, i couldn't help myself from wishing i could've spend these moments with people whom i cared about more... Like my 8 years best friend Su Zanne for instance, or my brother... Or my family... But all did not come true.
Notice our SAME TOP! ^ XD
SOOOO THIS YEAR, i decided to change my own fate!
During these few days before my official birthday, i was awfully weary and dreaded the coming day itself. I had mood swings(partly because i was pmsing as well) and was impatient with everyone. Blame me for all you like, but i really despise my birthday. I blame all the bad experiences, as well as my forgetful parents, who in their defense, claims that birthdays are just like any other normal day, insignificant and a waste of money. The theory only applies to the rest of the 361 days in the year, when its not Mother's/ Father's Day, or their own birthday. Call me a sadistic, but if you noticed, what other day in the year besides your own birthday is especially for you and is worth celebrating for, if you're not a mom/dad, or a teacher or a pet!
This year, I decide my own fate. Initially, my group of primary friends had invited me out to Maluri to have steamboat dinner with them. Their excuse was that to gather for discussing our visit to our primary teacher's house this cny, and also to lou sang. Deep down i knew what they were brewing. Nonetheless, i was nice enough to pretend not to know, as always. : D
I had decided to go with them when i found out that my parents were once again oblivious to the occasion. Already moody, i arrogantly ignored my brother's teasing when he asked me what special day was thursday. I hinted to my parents by asking them if they had any plans for thursday night, apparently not. Almost already about to confirm with my primary friends, i suddenly decided, NO, i will not endure the same cruel fate. I shall and will decide WHAT I WANT this year!
"Dinner on ME thursday night! (literally) All of YOU have an appointment, so cancel ALL your other plans!" , i said authoritically to the people in the house.
ATLAS, my decision is FINAL. This year would be MY 18th! I refuse to be insignificant! I refuse to be depreciated! And so, CARL'S JUNIOR IT IS Thursday night! My BIGGEST present to myself! ; )
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