Part of her doesn't want to grow up.
Part of her desperately wants to.
This contradiction haunts her.
It never seems to ever go away.
As the year comes close to its end,
I always start to think of what i've done this still-passing year.
Where has life taken me to?
Have i done what i'd set out to do?
Interestingly enough, i am still quite alive. :D
University life has proven to be FAR more worth living for than highschool.
I wouldn't say this without having my reasons.
It is still so clear to me now how reality can shun away a person,
Causing them to lose their once happy self, full of self-knowing and courage.
Its as if a shield was put in place as an armour,
True exposure would lead to instant death.
That was how i had to live, for 2 years if not more.
And boy! Did that have a long-lasting effect! #,#
So begins my never-told-before story...
It was an arduous struggle.
I had to search deep deep within to find myself back!
The true, real me.
The one who needn't put on a fake smile and fake laughter everyday,
Wishing and wishing that the bell would ring sooner!
The one who needn't always have to pretend they were someone they're not!
And to pretend they didn't know who everyone REALLY were.
It was all a filthy act! One that should never NEVER see light!
It had become a hunt for myself after wondering in darkness for such a long time.
It was grueling, and i was far more than exhausted.
That finally came to an end.
I was officially rid of such idiocracy and suffering.
As if 3 years weren't enough! I hated the then me.
Less than 5 fingers could define true friendship there.
I felt like a single black grain, in that of million white grains in a brown sack.
Except that i wasn't actually the rotten one.
I felt quite alone... 2000 people were buzzing around me constantly!
But still, I was alone.
The new life... Redemption time!!
I had 9 months to kill before my life had started over again.
Adapting to the sudden transition had got me to lose my bearings.
Yet, it was only then did i feel less lost in a long, long time.
Irony, no? I was stunned for what seemed like eternity.
Working job after job, i kept myself occupied.
First for WWF- World Wild-Life Fund,
Where we had to get people to subscribe to monthly donations.
That didn't last long. It was clear people cared less about animals,
Especially during that time where recession was peak.
I wouldn't blame them. : )
Then, i had this one day hook-up with Nickelodeon!
There i enjoyed spending the whole day dressing up kids as Avatar characters!!
Hell yeah it was fun!! Though it was exhausting!! XD
It was then too did i realise what true abilities i had.
I was really good with people. : ]
The agent who got the Nick job offered me more work.
Thus starts my journey as a Bencoolen promoter. :D
Like, wtf is Bencoolen right?
Well peeps, i'm not shy to say,
Bencoolen was a NEW company selling virgin coconut products. ^_^
Hand & Body Lotions to Shampoo and Lip Gloss,
These products are made locally and are quite fab! :9
My first day was at Mid-Valley.
Wow was i nervous! Not only about the job!
But also, the PLACE. @,@
Damn shiate yeah, i got lost!! XD!!
Anyway, the first day got me boiling for the next!
I only made Rm500+ worth of sales!!
Which wasn't as good as i had expected! :P
No training was provided.
I was expected to OBSERVE and LEARN. And so i did! ^_^
A week later, i was scoring Rm800-Rm1000 sales/day!!
Hohoho... Was i happy!! : )
Achievement don't come easily, does it?
So then i continued to work for about 3 months!
And on my last month, i had become
The Top Sales Girl in the company for that month! XD
Yeahh I lost a lot of weight i tell you!!
But it was all worth it!! : ]
Then i went on the best trip EVER!!
New Zealand with Ko ko was a dream i NEVER thought would come true!
To date, i can't help but love my brother more dearly for this! <3
The trip was AMAAAAZZING!! We were dare-devils!!
Well, yeah maybe him lah, i was sorta DRAGGED!! X)
Does that count? LMAO!!
Anyway, life continues on after the trip!
I had gotten myself involved in jewelery design!!
This was when i learned about precious stones. ^_^
With some connection at play,
I managed to get a job at Poh Kong.
That short period of 10 days was a killer for me!
Every single day was a slouched me on a stool in the shop.
Besides arranging the goodies and tallying stock in the morning,
The rest of the day was a draggy one.
The worst part was, being unable to do sales or learn much as a sales exec.
However, when the paycheck came,
I was GLEEFUL at its sight. I won't tell why. X]
Zoom zoom....!!
Soon it was nearing April when i would experience my
FIRST taste of Uni life. :D
Initially, i was nervous so much so that i would shiver with excitement.
Arhem, according to my uni friends now though,
It was more like OVER-excitement!! Wakakaka!! XD
Most of me felt nerve-wrecked and anxious at this new beginning!
Its been years since i was able to properly SOCIALIZE.
Nonetheless, there was still part of me which worried, tremendously.
Worried i might fall back to my past behavior, when everything was an act!
Worried that people would find me WEIRD cause of my lack of practice!
Haha!! Thinking back now, i guess some of them did!! X]
So then the new journey had begun... ^_^
I was finally able to slowly integrate into this world once again!!
People here are more genuine, real.
I am so glad i had my heart on Nottingham!!
Despite all that has been said and done this half year here,
I have found that i am still,
Very much in love with it!! ; )
With the people, the place, and
The NEW Memories... <3
Cheerio Darlings~!
P/S : I'll be off to China on Friday!! Yippie!! :D Will be back on the 24th just in time for Christmas!! If i don't see you then, then heres the earliest and loudest MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! to you!! May God bless you continuously with love!! xoxo
Part of her desperately wants to.
This contradiction haunts her.
It never seems to ever go away.
As the year comes close to its end,
I always start to think of what i've done this still-passing year.
Where has life taken me to?
Have i done what i'd set out to do?
Interestingly enough, i am still quite alive. :D
University life has proven to be FAR more worth living for than highschool.
I wouldn't say this without having my reasons.
It is still so clear to me now how reality can shun away a person,
Causing them to lose their once happy self, full of self-knowing and courage.
Its as if a shield was put in place as an armour,
True exposure would lead to instant death.
That was how i had to live, for 2 years if not more.
And boy! Did that have a long-lasting effect! #,#
So begins my never-told-before story...
It was an arduous struggle.
I had to search deep deep within to find myself back!
The true, real me.
The one who needn't put on a fake smile and fake laughter everyday,
Wishing and wishing that the bell would ring sooner!
The one who needn't always have to pretend they were someone they're not!
And to pretend they didn't know who everyone REALLY were.
It was all a filthy act! One that should never NEVER see light!
It had become a hunt for myself after wondering in darkness for such a long time.
It was grueling, and i was far more than exhausted.
That finally came to an end.
I was officially rid of such idiocracy and suffering.
As if 3 years weren't enough! I hated the then me.
Less than 5 fingers could define true friendship there.
I felt like a single black grain, in that of million white grains in a brown sack.
Except that i wasn't actually the rotten one.
I felt quite alone... 2000 people were buzzing around me constantly!
But still, I was alone.
The new life... Redemption time!!
I had 9 months to kill before my life had started over again.
Adapting to the sudden transition had got me to lose my bearings.
Yet, it was only then did i feel less lost in a long, long time.
Irony, no? I was stunned for what seemed like eternity.
Working job after job, i kept myself occupied.
First for WWF- World Wild-Life Fund,
Where we had to get people to subscribe to monthly donations.
That didn't last long. It was clear people cared less about animals,
Especially during that time where recession was peak.
I wouldn't blame them. : )
Then, i had this one day hook-up with Nickelodeon!
There i enjoyed spending the whole day dressing up kids as Avatar characters!!
Hell yeah it was fun!! Though it was exhausting!! XD
It was then too did i realise what true abilities i had.
I was really good with people. : ]
The agent who got the Nick job offered me more work.
Thus starts my journey as a Bencoolen promoter. :D
Like, wtf is Bencoolen right?
Well peeps, i'm not shy to say,
Bencoolen was a NEW company selling virgin coconut products. ^_^
Hand & Body Lotions to Shampoo and Lip Gloss,
These products are made locally and are quite fab! :9
My first day was at Mid-Valley.
Wow was i nervous! Not only about the job!
But also, the PLACE. @,@
Damn shiate yeah, i got lost!! XD!!
Anyway, the first day got me boiling for the next!
I only made Rm500+ worth of sales!!
Which wasn't as good as i had expected! :P
No training was provided.
I was expected to OBSERVE and LEARN. And so i did! ^_^
A week later, i was scoring Rm800-Rm1000 sales/day!!
Hohoho... Was i happy!! : )
Achievement don't come easily, does it?
So then i continued to work for about 3 months!
And on my last month, i had become
The Top Sales Girl in the company for that month! XD
Yeahh I lost a lot of weight i tell you!!
But it was all worth it!! : ]
Then i went on the best trip EVER!!
New Zealand with Ko ko was a dream i NEVER thought would come true!
To date, i can't help but love my brother more dearly for this! <3
The trip was AMAAAAZZING!! We were dare-devils!!
Well, yeah maybe him lah, i was sorta DRAGGED!! X)
Does that count? LMAO!!
Anyway, life continues on after the trip!
I had gotten myself involved in jewelery design!!
This was when i learned about precious stones. ^_^
With some connection at play,
I managed to get a job at Poh Kong.
That short period of 10 days was a killer for me!
Every single day was a slouched me on a stool in the shop.
Besides arranging the goodies and tallying stock in the morning,
The rest of the day was a draggy one.
The worst part was, being unable to do sales or learn much as a sales exec.
However, when the paycheck came,
I was GLEEFUL at its sight. I won't tell why. X]
Zoom zoom....!!
Soon it was nearing April when i would experience my
FIRST taste of Uni life. :D
Initially, i was nervous so much so that i would shiver with excitement.
Arhem, according to my uni friends now though,
It was more like OVER-excitement!! Wakakaka!! XD
Most of me felt nerve-wrecked and anxious at this new beginning!
Its been years since i was able to properly SOCIALIZE.
Nonetheless, there was still part of me which worried, tremendously.
Worried i might fall back to my past behavior, when everything was an act!
Worried that people would find me WEIRD cause of my lack of practice!
Haha!! Thinking back now, i guess some of them did!! X]
So then the new journey had begun... ^_^
I was finally able to slowly integrate into this world once again!!
People here are more genuine, real.
I am so glad i had my heart on Nottingham!!
Despite all that has been said and done this half year here,
I have found that i am still,
Very much in love with it!! ; )
With the people, the place, and
The NEW Memories... <3
Cheerio Darlings~!
P/S : I'll be off to China on Friday!! Yippie!! :D Will be back on the 24th just in time for Christmas!! If i don't see you then, then heres the earliest and loudest MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! to you!! May God bless you continuously with love!! xoxo
2 Comments to "The Past Then. The Change Now."