小幸福我知道你不喜欢我啰嗦 虽然喋喋不休 也会听出耳油我知道你不爱出去走走我也愿意陪你 一起躲进被窝有时候我被你冷落
有时候我们互相迁就有时候我们一句也不说
有时候我被你飙到了忘我唱着情歌我写你的调调太久也许有天 你会发现 我是你的听众唱着情歌我只希望你听得懂也许有天 你会发现 小幸福的曲风我喜欢你跳舞的小动作你的一举一动 也给我一种幽默你挑眼我歇斯底里过错本来彼此推翻承诺，本来应该手牵手往前走。。。有时候我被你冷落
有时候我们互相迁就 有时候我们一句也不说
有时候我被你飙到了忘我也许有天你会发现 我们的小感动我们唱的情歌别人不需要懂也许有天你会发现 小幸福的曲风
Posted by
zinrue
Life is short, you'd think you have time to spare but you don't. Famous poets write about how to live life to the fullest with lines like "Love your heart out while it still allows you!" and "Experience and enjoy youth while you can!".Its true everyone wants to live just a happy life! Loving things simple and uncomplicated. Clearly, this contradicts every single point and message those famous fools have been trying to trick us into believing. Because living and loving someone isn't simple, and never easy.We naturally crave for joy, love, attention and everything beautiful as human beings. Who could blame us for wanting to live a perfect life? Wanting all the time to feel appreciated, to feel cared for, to feel trusted, to feel important to the people we love.
But what happens when you realise, no, we're not as important as we thought we are to them? What happens when they keep reminding you of the hardship that is about to come such as no we can't see each other for some time, or contact each other as often? What happens if you initially expected that the sacrifice you will make with the commitment with him is more than you can actually cope with? What happens when he chooses them over you, when all this while he promised that you meant the most to him?Is everyone in this world seriously as important as you think they are? Would it kill them or kill you to deny them of what they want from you so you could make the person who is supposed to be more important to you happy?? If it means sacrificing time with me to please your mum, i understand and i accept because your mum is family and is top of your "important people list". You always say your family accuses you for being unhelpful and unproductive. You sacrificed time with me because your mum was unhappy that you were going out and spending a lot all the time. But yet, you still continue with your active lifestyle pleasing all your friends and spending all that money and time.Because of them, you are stuck with too many difficult decisions and hard choices to make that you're not sure how to manage. If already knowing that, why did you want me in the picture to add to all that burden and hardship?? Especially when you already have so much to deal with? Why do you need me when you can just continue to lead your life surrounded by the people who are ALL important to you and that can accompany you and make you happy? That, i really don't understand.
I have never asked you to choose between them and me, because i know it will put you in a difficult position. But if you could be equally happy with them, why do you need me around? You said before the happy with them is different as the happy with me. But i guess its just not different enough for you to sacrifice more going out time with them, just so you could spend a day with me and not get scolding from your mum for it.
How you manage so many things in the past i am not sure. But when you say everything is important, you're just denying the fact that sacrificing for the people who means to you most is more important than the rest. Think about it, and explain to me why is that i am always feeling like a plan B? Always feeling abandoned when you're living your busy life while i'm just waiting for your return? If not just fitting into that schedule because there's just some spare time left there? I am not married. I can go and stay whenever and wherever i wish, and do whatever that makes me happy too. Why do i have to always be the after-thought in your life, when i can be FIRST in my own? Because I am most important to me, my family, you and my best friends are 2nd and other friends are 3rd. Whereas you are most important for yourself, 2nd your family, and i have to share third place with all your other important friends as well as everyone else you know, because ALL of them are extremely important in your life. To you, i am that special, i am that important, and i am that different.
Posted by
zinrue
Sitting on a fence, people who do are usually stuck with a difficult decision to make.Weighing the pros and cons of their options, it is normal to see them linger in indecision.However, who could blame them if both options vary vastly from each other, And that choosing one of the two would mean losing something that was once so dear to them?For the past 4 days, i have been sitting on a fence.Deliberating and considering every single detail which contributes to my happiness and well being. It was an arduous process in which many a times, i found my mind drifting off into space, avoiding the voyage back to reality. This state would probably be more commonly known as - emo.It is always difficult to decide what to keep or leave behind in ones life.Never is it an easy decision to consciously want to remove them from your journey,Especially when the thing potentially being removed has feelings and tears too.I never intend on hurting anyone.I always felt the utmost joy when i take action for the things i believe would make people happy or grateful. Even simple things like sharing lunch with a new friend, or switching off a leaking tap just to help save water, or even offering a piece of tissue to a complete stranger who is having flu. Yeap, i find joy in doing all things similar to this. Yet, it is so difficult for me to just normally love a person.Feels like the world around me has changed tremendously.People who used to be close suddenly felt they had a gap and started moving on.Things that i previously found exciting and awesome, suddenly has become not as they were before. Gradually, from a once light hearted soul; has become something filled with demands and expectations. Before i knew it, i have become greedy and selfish. Worse than the green monster beneath my bed. What am i to do?I hurt for not getting what i hope and want.I reach out for something that i might never get.I cry because the reasons i love myself for has dimmed as i allowed my heart to be vulnerable and risked.Everyone knows love is a gamble. But does everyone throw in their last chip at a casino table if they have no assurance that they will win back some profit??The answer is NO, not many people would.Yet, gullible as i am at this point, i have done so.Once again, with no insurance or assurance,I took the plunge. No looking back at the cuts that struck my heart so deeply before.No looking back at the helpless, pathetic state i have once been because of you.I choose to trust you this one final time.Like a newly hatched baby bird about to leave its nest for the first time, I dive into the unknown, with no guarantee for my survival or end for the very last time.
Posted by
zinrue
I suddenly remember my reason for starting this blog.This is where i share, this is where i turn to for comfort and venting,
And this is where I can say whatever the hell i want,
And that nobody can judge me without my approval and publishing permission. : )
To me, this is like my idea of Heaven on Earth.At times, i just feel life is unbearable, like now.
To be honest, despite the fact that i can actually sleep and awake later than usual, I really, REALLY hate holidays.
Especially when there are still commitments to the academic world,
And when i can't focus my attention fully on my plans for the holiday,I tend to always feel disrupted and lost, as if i were dangling in midair, and i can't feel my feet.I currently have no maid now.On an optimistic note, i have been "promoted" into a somewhat "professional housekeeper". *This is self-proclaimed. Doubt me for all i care. I do not provide cleaning services, mind you. XP*I've become pretty efficient at sweeping & mopping, washing & ironing clothes, washing & vacuuming cars, and cleaning toilets.
Yes, i agree, i should get a cert for that.
Heck, most housewives without maids should get one too.
On a pessimistic note, my holidays and i have become total enemies.
I dread waking up early in the morning for housework.
I dread having to work with mom and coming home to a pile of clothes to iron, house to sweep, and on a 2 week basis, 3 dogs + 1 cat to bathe.
Isn't my life just interesting??
Well, if its boring you now, simply click on the "x" tab at the extreme right hand corner of this window, and i'm sure i wouldn't be wasting anymore of your life.Back to the topic, everything is exhausting.
Call me a whining hag, but I really dont think a housewife's job is a good cut out for a rockstar teenager such as myself.
But whose to say we get to decide our ironies??
Thats exactly how reality screws people.
Exhaustion, moodiness and unexplainable tendency to scream at someone.
Haha Yeshh, i am struggling to keep my composure.Like a ballerina, stiffening and loosening her neck muscles, struggling to perform a complete pirouette without losing her balance.
Hence, the battle of my emotions against daily circumstances.
But what can i do??I see my mom doing it, and my heart aches.I see my younger brother lazing around, and a Fat Man bomb ignites in my tummy and Nagasaki goes down.
Why is it that always I have to be the Chinese Cinderella??
The responsible second child and the burden absorber??When that useless slacker sits around and complains??Urgghhhh This is worst than physical training. =,=
A message to bloody Indonesian Immigration agents,"FUCK YOU."
Fuck you and your law,Your atrocious increase in agent's fees,Your ridiculous demand that maids be allowed to carry their own passports,
And for your lousy quality of maids whose intentions are to flee their godforsaken country. May you find peace in yourselves as you continue to loot the shit out of Malaysia.Lastly, I wanna say that,"Its all for you mom. I'm doing this all for you."
I am tolerating your frustration.I am tolerating you screaming for no damn reason.I am tolerating you for expecting me to RE-clean every single shit that he screws up.Yes, may God dawn upon me a with a stronger faith to continue this efforts for the sake of LOVE. Amen.
Posted by
zinrue
I can't deny feeling sad and sour when i look at your photos.
We were once really, really close.
I thought we still are... But that doesnt seem so.
There is no blaming you for drifting away.
I know what its like to feel lonely, even when theres company.Yet, i think i'm selfish, for wishing my name
was still in your list of *close friends*.Are we all born like that??Always missing what we once had??
Things we took for granted...Time, friendship, crazy moments and all the memories...
I apologise for ever letting you feel left out.I don't know how to deal with this...I just feel sorry. : (
Posted by
zinrue
