Yesterday was horrible.
I wished I had more self control, and less self assertion.
The world clearly revolves around by its own means.
I just wanted it to go the other direction.
At times, i'm not sure if it is insanity,
Or if its pressure that drives me to frustration then tears.
It is irritating and selfish to hope for belonging in a society.
I can't blame anyone but myself for this.
Maybe there's just something wrong with me.
Unready for the new week to begin,
I drove to school alone with a heavy heart.
Unlike the one i always do my best to keep cheerful and happy.
Was i tired? Or just... Moody?
Maths exam is next week.
I don't feel fully prepared,
But i am hopeful i will pass this time.
God please bless me enough for me to continue...
Things feel different.
I feel suddenly lonely again.
That awful distress i've been trying to begone forever,
Has turned around to bite me again.
Why is this happening?
Do i despise having a Chinese mentality?
Speaking, expressing, and pretending to be something i'm not?
Is this the outcome of graduating from an international school?
I still love me very much.
I want to be accommodating to everyone else.
But i do not feel i am doing it very well.
I can't utter cool chinese idioms to impress everyone!
I can't speak as fluently as i used to since after primary school.
I am tired of searching.
I am tired of smiling or laughing without meaning.
I want to just live. LIVE.
I feel so left out. : (
Perhaps i should navigate myself away.
No one knows how much effort it is for me to tolerate.
I just cant live like this.
I dont want to be known for being moody.
I dont want to be known for being an outcast,
Or a person with nothing but ulterior motifs.
I need my best friend.
I need more people I love around me.
Not people i feel awkward or uncomfortable with.
I need more people who has the patience to get to know me.
And who can accept me for who i am,
And not turn me away...
Thank you Chun Hoe for being there for me.
It was horrendous of me to burden you like that.
I'm sorry you had to worry about me.
I hope you will never have to see me in that shape again.
You are truly a good friend.
I should appreciate you more. ^_^
As for Sandyman...
I miss you tonnes and tonnes...
I cant rush your exams to be over sooner,
Eventhough i've prayed so hard for it to happen.
Please hang in there as i am hanging on...
I need a big BIG hug from you... :''(
I wished I had more self control, and less self assertion.
The world clearly revolves around by its own means.
I just wanted it to go the other direction.
At times, i'm not sure if it is insanity,
Or if its pressure that drives me to frustration then tears.
It is irritating and selfish to hope for belonging in a society.
I can't blame anyone but myself for this.
Maybe there's just something wrong with me.
Unready for the new week to begin,
I drove to school alone with a heavy heart.
Unlike the one i always do my best to keep cheerful and happy.
Was i tired? Or just... Moody?
Maths exam is next week.
I don't feel fully prepared,
But i am hopeful i will pass this time.
God please bless me enough for me to continue...
Things feel different.
I feel suddenly lonely again.
That awful distress i've been trying to begone forever,
Has turned around to bite me again.
Why is this happening?
Do i despise having a Chinese mentality?
Speaking, expressing, and pretending to be something i'm not?
Is this the outcome of graduating from an international school?
I still love me very much.
I want to be accommodating to everyone else.
But i do not feel i am doing it very well.
I can't utter cool chinese idioms to impress everyone!
I can't speak as fluently as i used to since after primary school.
I am tired of searching.
I am tired of smiling or laughing without meaning.
I want to just live. LIVE.
I feel so left out. : (
Perhaps i should navigate myself away.
No one knows how much effort it is for me to tolerate.
I just cant live like this.
I dont want to be known for being moody.
I dont want to be known for being an outcast,
Or a person with nothing but ulterior motifs.
I need my best friend.
I need more people I love around me.
Not people i feel awkward or uncomfortable with.
I need more people who has the patience to get to know me.
And who can accept me for who i am,
And not turn me away...
Thank you Chun Hoe for being there for me.
It was horrendous of me to burden you like that.
I'm sorry you had to worry about me.
I hope you will never have to see me in that shape again.
You are truly a good friend.
I should appreciate you more. ^_^
As for Sandyman...
I miss you tonnes and tonnes...
I cant rush your exams to be over sooner,
Eventhough i've prayed so hard for it to happen.
Please hang in there as i am hanging on...
I need a big BIG hug from you... :''(
1 Comment to "Understatement."